Loss

At one time or other we will all experience loss and grief, if we have not yet done so because no one is exempt from it. The loss that causes us to grieve is not only loss suffered through death. Loss of anything that is of value to us causes us to grieve. Some common examples of loss are:

· Loss of property like a watch, phone, wallet, ID, valued books etc.

· Loss of a loved one like a parent, spouse or child through death.

· Loss of a marriage through divorce or separation.

· Rape which leads to a tearing and loss of something valuable that cannot be replaced.

· Loss of job, property, financial security.

· Loss of reputation or status.

· Loss of health through chronic or terminal illness.

· Loss of usefulness through illness, retirement, handicap or the process of aging.

· Loss of friends and associates through disagreements.

· Personal growth causes moving through different stages of development that could cause loss.

· Failing examinations.

What is loss?

Loss can be described in many different ways. It can mean, to be deprived, separation, failure to keep, cease to be interested, perish or be worse off in terms of money or otherwise. Losses come in a variety of shapes, sizes and with different degrees of intensity. While any loss is painful, if we learn to grieve appropriately starting with the ‘small’ losses we are better able to deal with the greater losses like death.

It is important to note that each person’s loss has its own unique quality and intensity because we are all different and react differently to same or similar losses even within the same family. Additionally, children are not exempted from the experiences of loss no matter how small they are. The only difference is that they express what they go through very differently from the adults and hence they need as much attention as the adults do.

How does loss affect us?

There are many different ways that loss affects our daily lives. Some of the most common are:

· Loss brings pain that cannot be ignored.

· Loss brings us face to face with ourselves, our enemies and our God.

· Loss exposes our vulnerability and shutters our sense of control.

· Loss through death is the father of losses that cannot be ignored.

· Personal painful loss opens a door into our deep parts of the soul.

· It exposes us to the loneliness, vulnerability, insecurity and the unmet longings it brings.

Loss pushes us to take stock of what we are holding on to for security. Is it God or our ability to control things? The circumstances of loss also force us to look deep within and clearly see how we handle pain. We normally don’t want to look within and try to understand why we must grieve because it hurts. We often fail to openly face the loss because we hope to control our pain. Loss is closely associated with the word grief but they are very different.

As said earlier loss is when something is taken from our grasp but grief talks more about the process. Grief is defined as deep or violet sorrow or keen regret and it is universal to human experience as well as an unavoidable part of life. It is a complex and painful process of dealing with and adjusting to the strong emotions we feel when faced with loss. It can be and feel as real as a deep nasty wound that cannot be ignored. Mourning is a word often interchanged with grieving.

It is important to realise that people need to grieve any loss they suffer. It has come to light that how deeply we grieve is determined by the quality of the relationship with the person or thing that is lost. This means that the closer the relationship the deep the grief and vice versa. Failure to deal with the loss immediately or soon after it happens makes it more difficult to deal with any subsequent losses.

If we have not experienced loss we surely will at a point. The important question is are we well informed about loss and are we prepared to handle the loss? For some of us we may be experiencing loss at this point and are not sure how to work through it. If so, get in touch with us and you will find assistance